ConNiPtioNs

(Craig, JD, & Jake) You might be a conservative if...

I posted this in the comments sections over at Avoiding Evil in response to the "You might be a liberal if..." post but it was promptly deleted (they are still there if you use the link above but not from the main post...maybe it is just in my cache...???). So I willl post it here, and if any right-wingnuts wish to object or have a say, please fell free--I promise not to remove your comments. I am open to dissent and other opinions.

So here it is...

You might be a conservative if...

• You believe the Constitution states that christianity is our official religion.
  
• You complain about the "liberal media" on any of the numerous conservative political TV/radio talk shows.
  
• You actually believe that people actually own AK-47's for "hunting purposes"
  
• You have faith in idiotic economic policies such as "trickle down economics"
  
• You don't see why everyone's so down on Mark Fuhrman.
  
• You think that Michaelangelo's David should be wearing boxers at the least.
  
• The hostess at the Sizzler knows you by name.
  
• You have a button that says "I'm not prejudice, I hate everyone"
  
• You can ask your daddy to bail you out when you lose hundreds of thousands of dollars from embezzling S&L's
  
• Your main source for news is an egocentric man named Rush who distorts facts consistantly to fit his views and opinions.
  
• You want to find another out-of-work actor to play the figurehead for the Republican party (perhaps Bonzo's free)
  
• Your response to anything Bill Clinton says includes a reference to Arkansas hillbillies.
  
• You obsessively impose your own morality upon others.
  
• You wish to ammend the Constitution to make desecration of the flag illegal.
  
• You wish to rewrite the first ammendment to make desecration of the flag illegal.
  
• You wish to rewrite the first commandment to make desecration of the flag illegal (and here, you thought you were such a good Christian...)
  
• You believe that if parents and teachers don't mention sex to a child until s/he is 25, then s/he won't even know it exists until then.
  
• You think Clarence Thomas is a good spokesman for the black community.
  
• You must first don rubber gloves before shaking hands with a homosexual.
  
• You helped to ban Beavis from saying "fire", yet keep a loaded handgun in the house (doesn't matter if it's hidden.. your kid knows where it is, trust me.)
  
• You have a sticker saying "Guns don't kill people, people do" (and I suppose those little bullet things are harmless too)
  
• You believe that everyone else should hold the same moralistic and political views as you, and by God, you're going to see to it that they do!
  and finally...
  
• You believed anything on the previous "You might be a liberal if..." list.

excerpts from: You Might Be a Conservative by Chris Gladish