I was watching c-span this morning and they were replaying a panel discussion from the Univeristy of Virginia on political humor. One of the editorial cartoonists on the panel was Ann Telnaes who has done some great work, I've linked some of my favorites below.

• US War Coverage


• $726 Billion Tax Cut


• Bush and Saddam


• Networks and War

Test du jour

Today's trip to the doctor involved me sitting in a big comfy recliner in a darkened room with headphones on and electrodes attached to my scalp. The test today was Brainstem Auditory Evoked Potentials (BAEP). I know that I am a bit strange but this exam was relaxing, I just sat there in a comfortable chair for an hour listening to clicking noises in one ear and then the other.

Ahh, the good old days...

This guy makes a lot of sense. Someone like him should run for president.

*Watch the video* (1:46:09)

Remember when we had a president who was a Rhodes Scholar, someone who knew history, economics, diplomacy.

Seriously, if you have an hour and a half watch and listen to a real leader, someone who knows what he is talking about. I know that nobody will watch the whole thing, but watch the beginning you might even learn something.

I'm going to bed.

US finds evidence of WMD at last - buried in a field near Maryland

Julian Borger in Washington
Wednesday May 28, 2003
The Guardian

The good news for the Pentagon yesterday was that its investigators had finally unearthed evidence of weapons of mass destruction, including 100 vials of anthrax and other dangerous bacteria.

The bad news was that the stash was found, not in Iraq, but fewer than 50 miles from Washington, near Fort Detrick in the Maryland countryside.

The anthrax was a non-virulent strain, and the discoveries are apparently remnants of an abandoned germ warfare programme. They merited only a local news item in the Washington Post. [full story]

A great day to be a millionaire in America...

...not so great for the rest of us. On April 24 Bush called the Senate's $350 billion tax-cut plan a "little-bitty tax-relief package." Today he is celebrating it as a victory as he signs the bill into law. The scene today in the East Room of the White House is a bit different from yesterday's annoucement that made it possible. Here is the entire statement:

On Tuesday, May 27, 2003, the President signed into law:

H.J.Res. 51, which increases the public debt limit from $6.4 trillion to $7.384 trillion.

Why didn't they fill a room with rich white folks and have a public ceremony yesterday to celebrate the largest debt ceiling in the country's history?

I heard a guy on the radio this morning say that he was going to use whatever little tax reduction that he gets to support a Democratic candidate for president. Someone else lauded the president for giving the money to people who would spend the money and not "just use it to pay bills." What should I do with my extra $1 per week? Any suggestions?

[Listening to: Bizet Habanera from Carmen - Maria Callas - Aria - A Passion for Opera (04:52)]

Cable blues...

My cable (and therefore my internet service) has been going off and on for the past two days. Grrrrrrrrrrr.

I will post this fast before it goes off again.

[Listening to: Dancing Barefoot - Patti Smith - Wave (04:16)]

A Message from President George W. Bush

I got this email today from Bush-Cheney '04 Inc.:

Dear Rob, I am honored to be your President during this time of opportunity and challenge for our country. Our country has faced many tests and accomplished a great deal. But we still have so much to do to make our world more peaceful and America more compassionate that I intend to seek a second term as your President. Today, I authorized the creation of a campaign committee to build the grassroots team and collect the resources needed for victory. Will you let me know if you will be a part of my campaign in Pennsylvania? And will you help get my campaign off to a strong start by contributing $1,000 or $750 today at www.GeorgeWBush.com/Donate ? The new Federal election law allows donations of up to $2,000 a person or $4,000 a couple. It will be months before Democrats settle on a candidate, but the election could be close. The strength of our grassroots effort will determine the outcome. I need the help of friends now. My responsibilities as President will require me to focus primarily on our nation's business for most of the next year. I'll depend on friends and supporters like you to get my campaign organized and operating across our country. Abroad, we have a duty to protect America by working for peace, opportunity and stability. We have no more urgent and important duty than to wage and win the War on Terrorism. We must make use of the moment history has given us to extend liberty to others around the world, because in the long term, freedom and hope are the best weapons against terror. And, we have a unique opportunity to harness American ingenuity and compassion to save tens of thousands of lives by defeating the scourge of AIDS. At home, our most urgent mission is to strengthen our economy and create jobs. To provide economic security and opportunity to every American, we must improve health care, give senior citizens long-promised prescription drug benefits, provide a quality education for every child, and insist on safe neighborhoods and schools. My goal is to build an ownership society where American families own their own homes, their own health coverage, their own retirement accounts and, if they want, their own businesses. And we are working to change the culture from one that too often said, "if it feels good, do it," to a responsibility society where people know they are accountable for what they do, for the children they bring into the world, and for loving a neighbor like they'd like to be loved themselves. A great country strives for great objectives. The two big goals at the center of my agenda are expanding peace and freedom throughout the world, and helping our country become a more compassionate and prosperous nation where everyone has an opportunity to work and succeed and realize the promise of America. To achieve these goals, America must be united. I have worked to bring dignity and honor to the White House and to change the tone in Washington. I have asked Democrats and Republicans to join with me in achieving great purposes. One of the paintings I have selected for the Oval Office portrays a man on horseback, leading a charge up a steep hill. His face is full of purpose and determination, and it is clear he expects to get the job done. The painting is called "A Charge to Keep," based on a Methodist hymn that's a favorite of mine, "A Charge to Keep I Have." I love the painting because it speaks to serving a cause that is greater than yourself. The picture reminds me every day that my most important job is to unite our country and provide leadership to overcome America's toughest challenges. America's true strength is in our people and our values. Our country's greatest days are ahead of us, and I know that our nation and our people can achieve anything if we set our minds to the task. Serving as your President is a privilege and honor. I have worked hard to provide leadership you can be proud of, and I hope you agree with the great goals I have for our country. If I have support, I hope you will help my reelection campaign today. We can show the world that America is a strong and compassionate nation in which every person is able to achieve his or her dream. Thank you for allowing me to serve as your President. May God Bless America. Sincerely, George W. Bush P.S. Your early support with a contribution would be a strong vote of confidence in my leadership and would help get my campaign off to a good start. Please make a secure online donation to my campaign now at: www.GeorgeWBush.com/Donate

Surveys pointing to high civilian death toll in Iraq

Preliminary reports suggest casualties well above the Gulf War.

By Peter Ford | Staff writer of The Christian Science Monitor

BAGHDAD – Evidence is mounting to suggest that between 5,000 and 10,000 Iraqi civilians may have died during the recent war, according to researchers involved in independent surveys of the country.

None of the local and foreign researchers were willing to speak for the record, however, until their tallies are complete.

Such a range would make the Iraq war the deadliest campaign for noncombatants that US forces have fought since Vietnam.
[read more]

Sleepy time and mini rant   

I was out of it all day yesterday. Did I miss anything? I tried to get something accomplished but I didn't. I was sound asleep by 9:30 last night.

Oh, I now have HDTV, only a few channels but it is pretty cool.

Speaking of TV, what the hell is happening at MSNBC? I saw Pat O'Brien doing an Access Hollywood segment on there today. I understand that the purpose of most organizations is to make money but losing all credibility in the process is disturbing. They now have racist Michael Savage hosting a show, Jesse Ventura will have a show, former Republican congressman Joe Scarborough has a daily show, and Keith Olbermann, who I enjoyed as a SportsCenter host, has one of the dumbest "news" shows that I have seen.

[Listening to: I'm Afraid of Americans - David Bowie and Sonic Youth - BBC Sessions (05:29)]

WMD still MIA

The Bush administration argued that we couldn't expect 108 UN inspectors to search a country the size of California and find the WMDs. Well, we sent hundreds of thousands of troops in there a couiple months ago and still no WMD. Was it all a lie? He seemed pretty certain during the State of the Union address.

From Bush's State of the Union Address on January 28, 2003:

The United Nations concluded in 1999 that Saddam Hussein had biological weapons sufficient to produce over 25,000 liters of anthrax -- enough doses to kill several million people. He hasn't accounted for that material. He's given no evidence that he has destroyed it.

The United Nations concluded that Saddam Hussein had materials sufficient to produce more than 38,000 liters of botulinum toxin -- enough to subject millions of people to death by respiratory failure. He hadn't accounted for that material. He's given no evidence that he has destroyed it.

Our intelligence officials estimate that Saddam Hussein had the materials to produce as much as 500 tons of sarin, mustard and VX nerve agent. In such quantities, these chemical agents could also kill untold thousands. He's not accounted for these materials. He has given no evidence that he has destroyed them.

U.S. intelligence indicates that Saddam Hussein had upwards of 30,000 munitions capable of delivering chemical agents. Inspectors recently turned up 16 of them -- despite Iraq's recent declaration denying their existence. Saddam Hussein has not accounted for the remaining 29,984 of these prohibited munitions. He's given no evidence that he has destroyed them

[Listening to: Where Is My Mind? - Pixies - Fight Club OST (03:47)]

Tax Cuts for the Wealthy - New Chart

Angry Bear made a spiffy new chart to show the average tax savings under the bill the Senate passed last week. Thanks to Mike at Left is Right, and as he put it: "If you're STILL confused about whose pockets are receiving nearly all of the Bush Tax Cuts, then please have one of your elementary school children interpret this graph for you."

SUVs

Are SUV owners sending us a message? I have printed out several of these and plan to put them on windshields of SUVs taking up two or more parking spaces.

Printable pdf file - http://www.ihateyoursuv.com/suv2.pdf

Thanks to Yerac

HDTV!

My old television was built in 1988--the same year as some of my readers--so the time has come to get a new one. The old one would fade out once in a while but otherwise it has served me well for the past 15 years. Circuit City had a 36" flat-screen HD-ready Sony on sale with free 12-month financing and a free DVD player so I gave in. The picture is incredible, and I haven't even gotten my HD receiver yet - the cable guy is comiing tomorrow morning to hook me up.

TIA version 2.0

They changed the name of TIA - Total Terrorism Information Awareness. The Bu$h administration has learned that anytime they use the word "terror" the public will give them a pass. They scrapped the original logo and made one that looks less creepy and scary.

Living Legends on ESPN Wednesday Night Baseball

This week ESPN is starting a "Living Legends" series on Wednesday Night Baseball. Hall of Fame broadcaster Curt Gowdy will be in the booth this week during the Red Sox vs. Yankees game on ESPN2. Gowdy, a Peabody Award winner, was the voice of the Red Sox in the 50s and 60s. I remember him from the NBC Saturday Game of the Week in the 70s.

According to the promo spots on ESPN, the other living legends will include Marty Brenneman, Ernie Harwell, and Harry Kalas.

Tax Cuts for the Wealthy...

Jake is convinced that he will be a winner under the new tax plan. The winners will be people who get a large percentage of their income from corporate dividends (the Cheneys claimed over half of their nearly $1,000,000 income for 2002 as dividends) like current and former CEOs, former presidents and cabinet officials who serve on corporate boards, sons of rich men who live on trust funds, etc.

Duct Tape News

1. Son, 5, says mother duct-taped him
   By Kellie Patrick, Philadelphia Inquirer
   
   Colleen and Neil Broe are accused of wrapping their foster children, ages 1 and 2, in duct tape.
   
   His head barely visible above the witness stand, the 5-year-old boy told the court he believes in the Easter Bunny; he knows it's bad to tell a lie; and his mother once used tape to bind his thighs, arms and mouth.
   
   "She wanted me to be quiet," said the kindergartner, who was called to testify yesterday against his mother, Colleen Broe, at a preliminary hearing on child-abuse charges.
   [more]
   
2. Duct tape becoming thugs' latest weapon of choice
   By CATHERINE LUCEY, Philadelphia Daily News
   
   Sticky, silver duct tape covered the mouth of a murder victim found in Tacony Creek Park in the Northeast on Sunday.
   
   Last month an armless man washed up on the shore of the Schuylkill. His legs were bound in duct tape.
   [more]
   
3. Body bound in duct tape found in N. Phila.
   
   Police found a body bound in duct tape in a van parked on 18th Street near Berks in North Philadelphia last night.
   
   Police said the dead man had the tape around his eyes, in his mouth and around his wrists. He was on the floor of the van, a blue Plymouth Voyager, cops said.
   
   Police were called after neighbors saw blood leaking from the bottom of the van. The identity of the man wasn't released. Police didn't immediately know how he was killed.

Cause of the Day

Mothers Against Peeing Standing Up

via Dave Barry

Canadian Music Reccomendations

• Ashley MacIsaac, a Cape Breton fiddler, was on The Connection Friday. Not your typical fiddler.
  
  *listen to an mp3 clip*
  
  
• Tegan and Sara are 22 year old twins from Calgary who have pop sound with a bit of an edge. And they are just so damn cute.
  
  *Watch Monday Monday Monday Hi Lo

Penn State study: E-mail 'uncool', IM 'rulz'

University Park, Pa. -- A new generation of Internet users views e-mail as a relic of the past, preferring instant messaging (IM) for communication with their peers, according to a Penn State researcher.

“For the first time, a standard, everyday tool like e-mail is no longer being used by a specific youth culture,” says Steven L. Thorne, associate director of the Center for Language Acquisition in Penn State’s College of the Liberal Arts.

These youths, roughly 18, 19 and 20 years old, are third-generation Internet users and to them, e-mail is akin to getting dressed up for a job interview, an uncomfortable formality to be avoided unless absolutely necessary.
[read full story]

Quotes for today:

"...the consequences of being at war, and therefore danger, makes the handing-over of all power to a small caste seem the natural, unavoidable condition of survival." -- George Orwell

"Democracy and freedom will be the theme of every broadcast and editorial...meanwhile the ruling oligarchy and its highly trained elite of soldiers, policemen, thought-manufacturers and mind-manipulators will quietly run the show as they see fit." -- Aldous Huxley

Millionaires Rejoice!

Dubya, Poppy, Uncle Dick and other BushCo shareholders are overjoyed. The Senate passed a bogus tax bill last night. They claim that the bill was less than half of what the BushCo Administration wanted, but they don't tell you that they are only including three years of diviidend tax cuts in the 10 year plan.

They came up with fake numbers to try to make both sides happy. The Senate bill includes a "sunset" provision for the dividend tax cut. This means that after the three years that part of the bill would expire unless it is renewed.

I haven't seen any numbers that figure the real cost of the Senate bill (with the dividend tax cut figured for the full ten years), but I would guess that it is at least as big as the House bill.

Me on the inside

I got to see my brain today. It was pretty weird.

The neurologist had the MRI images in his office and showed them to me. All of the little folds are visible. So are the eyeballs and sinuses and teeth. He showed me the two little "lesions" and assured me that I'm not dying.

I am apparently suffering from short, choppy sentences however.

Anyhow, I have to do another one of those electrode tests in a fews weeks and the another MRI this summer to make sure that everything looks the same. No spinal tap---yay! I can handle electrodes, clicking noises and being in a small tube but I can't handle needles taking stuff out of me.

Jesus sneakers pulled from shelves

COPENHAGEN, Denmark - A Danish supermarket chain decided Wednesday to remove plastic sandals with images of Jesus Christ and the Virgin Mary on them from store shelves amid heavy criticism from religious groups.

The sandals, available in children's and adult sizes, featured drawings of Jesus Christ or the Virgin Mary on the upper sole with light blue or pink backgrounds.
[read more By JAN M. OLSEN, Associated Press Writer]

Bush Tax Cuts for the Wealthy, Part iv

Some "Facts":
• The 226,000 Americans with an Adjusted Gross Income of over $1,000,000 would get an average tax cut of almost $90,000 from the Bush growth package alone --- while the middle 20% of the population would get a tax cut of only $256.
  (Urban-Brookings Tax Policy Center).
  
• One half of the tax cuts derived from the Administration's proposal to eliminate the tax on dividends and reduce capital gains would go to the top 1% of taxpayers-three fourths to the top 5%.
  (Citizens for Tax Justice)
  
• 31% of the nation's taxpayers would get no benefit from the Bush Tax Cuts and almost half (48%) would receive less than $100 in tax cuts. (Citizens for Tax Justice). Under the Bush proposal to cut dividend taxes, Bill Gates will receive $38 million per year in dividends tax-free.
  (Toronto Star, 2/9/03)
  
• Many members of the Bush administration stand to benefit handsomely
  from the new cuts: "Treasury Secretary John Snow tops the list with a
  $275,000 windfall... Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld could
  pocket an extra $184,000. And not far behind is the $181,000 that
  could go to Secretary of Commerce Don Evans," according to AFSCME.
  (MoveOn.org)

Send a free FAX to your Senators to oppose tax cuts for the rich.

Bush Tax Cuts for the Wealthy, Part C

Thanks to Mike at Left is Right for posting the chart on the benefits of the Bush tax plan for the top 1% and the the bottom 80%. Jake should look at this chart. Hmmm...what will I do with my $29.50? Spur the economy! Uhhh...Yeah...

Where are the WMD?

With each passing day it appears more likely that Saddam Hussein did NOT possess usable weapons of mass destruction, and therefore did not pose an urgent threat to US, regional or international security. The UN inspectors could have been given more time to complete their job. Ironically, while Saddam rarely, if ever, cooperated fully with UN inspectors, he did let them in. The Bush Administration is currently denying them access into postwar Iraq altogether.

Katrina vanden Heuvel

Happy 78th birthday Yogi

"Baseball is 90% mental -- the other half is physical."
-- Yogi Berra

I Want My BBC

by John Nichols, The Nation

LONDON - Frustrated by the failure of US-based broadcast networks to provide a realistic account of the political machinations that led to the Iraq war, millions of Americans tuned in British news reports - which were picked up on public broadcasting and community radio, the internet and television stations.

Already high American audience figures for BBC World News bulletins spiked by 28 percent in the first weeks of the war, and BBC officials delighted in e-mails like the one from a New York viewer who wrote, "The BBC seems to be the only decent source of news on this conflict. American networks are appalling."

While Americans expressed admiration for the BBC's straight take on the news, British viewers who caught reports from US broadcast and cable networks have been shocked by the bias that permeates coverage of the Bush Administration and its military adventurism abroad. The general director of the BBC bemoaned the "gung ho" coverage of the US networks while a veteran British Cabinet minister dismissed US news coverage of the war as "old-fashioned propaganda." [read more]

Quote of the Day:

We'll be a country where the fabrics are made up of groups and loving centers.
-- George Dubya Bush

huh? :-/

Peace and love is here to stay

And now I can wake up and face the day

Happy, Happy, Happy all the time

Shock treatment, I'm doing fine

-- Ramones

This is why I love Minor League Baseball:

'Tattoo Night' to 'Mullet Night,' baseball stays fun

The Significance of Chartism

:-)

Site of the Day:

Amaze-O-Calc! Computing Engine

A miracle of modern science!

A belated happy Loyalty Day...

I have been so busy the past few days that I totally missed Loyalty Day. What? You did too? I am so happy that the media didn't even bother to report this one. (of course I am giving them publicity here...well, to my 4 or 5 readers)

Apparently Mr. Rove and his cohorts at Bushco wanted to co-opt May 1, the internationally recognized Labor Day, as their own neo-conservative, patriotic, flag-waving, pro-life celebration of Bushdom.

God Bless Patriotic Americans!

From LandoverBaptist.org

Five Tips on How to Spot an Atheist

1. Usually Atheists are pale of skin. They spend a lot of times indoors, because they are afraid to come outside. They believe the preposterous lie that Christians are trying to kill them, when in fact, all that we really want to do is force a quick conversion or to kindly place them in a maximum security prison for their own protection from devout Christians who may try to kill them.  Many Atheists will try to throw you off by spending time absorbing carcinogens in tanning beds, so it important to remember in hunting Atheists that many, if not most, have very dark skin, too. CAUTION: Do not confuse these artificially dark folks with genuine Negroes.  Real Coloreds need to be watched carefully around anything of value, but do not need to be brought to the Lord, as they all unblinkingly accepted Jesus as their loving God during Biblically-sanctioned slavery.
   
2. Atheists are overweight. The stereotypes of typical Atheists are the trim, granola cruncher who jogs and plays racquetball or the vain hedonist, party-goer who worships only her full-length mirror,  Recent studies have shown, however, that Atheists have become aware of these signifiers of their lack of faith.  In order to blend in undetected with evangelical Christians, most Atheists now tend to be morbidly obese and will tell you, whether asked or not, that their enormous girth is the result of an undetectable thyroid condition and not the box of Little Debbie cakes they are holding. 
   
3. Atheists have too many university diplomas! These folks are chock full of secular knowledge. They toss the Bible aside in favor of so-called, "research" and "theories." They spend their days studying and trying to gather facts and data to support their ridiculous scientific theories, such as evolution and gravity. Don't let it fool you, Christian Brothers and Sisters! All the secular knowledge in the world can't disprove that the reason we are all here today was because Eve got some bad advice from a talking snake! Atheists are too full of their silly "logic" to understand that only blind faith leads to sighted Truth.  Why, the homo-lovers in England have already accepted that most scientists are naturally Atheists. Don't let it happen in America! Report your Biology professor – or any so-called teacher who pollutes the soul with extraneous (non-Biblical) information --  to the local authorities before he recruits your child!
   
4. Atheists Deceive! Atheists go under many different names, but they don't have the common sense to align themselves yet! Use this to your advantage in reporting them to the police!  They call themselves, "humanists, agnostics, secular-humanists, moral relativists, Catholics, free-thinkers, undecided, Unitarians, and more recently, Brights." It is important to note that anyone who has a post-graduate degree or is interested in getting a post-graduate degree, is suspect!  Also be warned, Wiccans , Vegans, Yogists, and readers of science fiction are either Atheists or on the road to becoming an Atheist. Our job as True Christians™ is to use this loophole of time under the current Bush Administration to get as many of these God-haters arrested as we can before they do more damage to our country than they already have.
   
5. Atheists are afraid! Even though there are as many as 300 active Atheists in the United States, we can safely assume that if recent polls are correct, most Atheists are afraid to come out and say what they don't believe. It's your job to pull it out of them.  Put them on the spot.  Hound them at restaurants and on cruise ships. Don't take "I'd rather not talk about religion" as a answer. Give them one last chance to save their sorry souls. Then, call the police!

NOTE: This is satire!

US: 'Saddam had no weapons of mass destruction'

By Neil Mackay, Sunday Herald - 04 May 2003

The Bush administration has admitted that Saddam Hussein probably had no weapons of mass destruction.

Senior officials in the Bush administration have admitted that they would be 'amazed' if weapons of mass destruction (WMD) were found in Iraq.

According to administration sources, Saddam shut down and destroyed large parts of his WMD programmes before the invasion of Iraq.

Ironically, the claims came as US President George Bush yesterday repeatedly justified the war as necessary to remove Iraq's chemical and biological arms which posed a direct threat to America. (read more)

Big surprise!

Baseball in the 21st century

On Thursday I took advantage of MLB TV's free preview to watch the Phillies at the Dodgers on the computer. As a longtime Phils fan, I was hoping to get the Phillies feed with Hall of Fame broadcaster Harry Kalas, but they were carrying the Dodgers feed.

I had the rare pleasure (for easterners) to listen to the "Voice of the Dodgers" 1982 Ford C. Frick Award Winner Vin Scully call the game. Scully called the whole game--alone. I didn't really even notice until about the third inning. Statistics and anecdotes flowed easily between pitches. He talked almost non-stop for the entire game, with an occasional five or six seconds of silence.

Scully started with Dodgers in 1950 in Brooklyn and moved west with them in 1958. He is one of the last great voices of the game that is still around, after Ernie Harwell's retirement and the death of Jack Buck last year.

Of course I grew up listening to Harry Kalas and Richie Ashburn doing the Phillies games so that will always be the baseball soundtrack that I hear in my head.

Bush's Top Gun Photo-Op

By David Corn, The Nation
05/01/2003 @ 4:59pm

Winning a war or two goes a long way toward redefining a man.

As the cable news networks enthusiastically covered George W. Bush's trip to the USS Abraham Lincoln--cool military hardware, guys in uniforms, the Big Man, and a touch of can-anything-go-wrong drama--there were plenty of references to Bush's days in the Texas Air National Guard, when he flew F-102 fighter jets. (Well, sort of--but we'll get to that.) On MSNBC, correspondent George Lewis noted that Bush, with his tailhook landing on the aircraft carrier, was "becoming one of" the troops on board. He didn't add, only 25 years late. That is, neither Lewis nor any of the other television journalists covering this gee-whiz event (whom I saw) mentioned Bush's rather spotty (to be kind about it) record in the National Guard. (read more)


While the Great Warrior King was supposed to be reporting to his National Guard assignment sixteen men from his hometown died in Vietnam in his place.

U.S.A. P.A.T.R.I.O.T. Act in action

Patriot Raid

By Jason Halperin, AlterNet
April 29, 2003

Two weeks ago I experienced a very small taste of what hundreds of South Asian immigrants and U.S. citizens of South Asian descent have gone through since 9/11, and what thousands of others have come to fear. I was held, against my will and without warrant or cause, under the USA PATRIOT Act. (read more)

(Craig, JD, & Jake) You might be a conservative if...

I posted this in the comments sections over at Avoiding Evil in response to the "You might be a liberal if..." post but it was promptly deleted (they are still there if you use the link above but not from the main post...maybe it is just in my cache...???). So I willl post it here, and if any right-wingnuts wish to object or have a say, please fell free--I promise not to remove your comments. I am open to dissent and other opinions.

So here it is...

You might be a conservative if...

• You believe the Constitution states that christianity is our official religion.
  
• You complain about the "liberal media" on any of the numerous conservative political TV/radio talk shows.
  
• You actually believe that people actually own AK-47's for "hunting purposes"
  
• You have faith in idiotic economic policies such as "trickle down economics"
  
• You don't see why everyone's so down on Mark Fuhrman.
  
• You think that Michaelangelo's David should be wearing boxers at the least.
  
• The hostess at the Sizzler knows you by name.
  
• You have a button that says "I'm not prejudice, I hate everyone"
  
• You can ask your daddy to bail you out when you lose hundreds of thousands of dollars from embezzling S&L's
  
• Your main source for news is an egocentric man named Rush who distorts facts consistantly to fit his views and opinions.
  
• You want to find another out-of-work actor to play the figurehead for the Republican party (perhaps Bonzo's free)
  
• Your response to anything Bill Clinton says includes a reference to Arkansas hillbillies.
  
• You obsessively impose your own morality upon others.
  
• You wish to ammend the Constitution to make desecration of the flag illegal.
  
• You wish to rewrite the first ammendment to make desecration of the flag illegal.
  
• You wish to rewrite the first commandment to make desecration of the flag illegal (and here, you thought you were such a good Christian...)
  
• You believe that if parents and teachers don't mention sex to a child until s/he is 25, then s/he won't even know it exists until then.
  
• You think Clarence Thomas is a good spokesman for the black community.
  
• You must first don rubber gloves before shaking hands with a homosexual.
  
• You helped to ban Beavis from saying "fire", yet keep a loaded handgun in the house (doesn't matter if it's hidden.. your kid knows where it is, trust me.)
  
• You have a sticker saying "Guns don't kill people, people do" (and I suppose those little bullet things are harmless too)
  
• You believe that everyone else should hold the same moralistic and political views as you, and by God, you're going to see to it that they do!
  and finally...
  
• You believed anything on the previous "You might be a liberal if..." list.

excerpts from: You Might Be a Conservative by Chris Gladish