ConNiPtioNs

My Apology to the U.S. of A.

After much thought and many sleepless nights I have come to realize that my opposition to the war in Iraq is just wrong. Thank you to Jake, Susan and Katie, Emily, Corey, Jackie D., and all of my Christian friends, you have made me recognize the error in my way of thinking.

It is now obvious to me that our President and his advisors know what they are doing. Saddam Hussein and Iraqis in general were indeed responsible for the September 11th attacks on the US of A. The people of Iraq want to be liberated by the Christian Forces of Great Britain and the United States of America. Also, once we bring democracy to Iraq we can expect Saudi Arabia, Kuwait, Syria, Jordan, and all of the Middle East to quickly and peacefully convert to democratic forms of government.

Mr. Ashcroft I am ready to submit to random invasions of privacy in order to catch the Evil-doers among us. Now I realize that if I have nothing to hide I should not object to having the government search my home, my computer, my banking and medical records. It is also clear to me now that if guns are outlawed only outlaws will have guns.

We should make it easier (through family-friendly tax cuts) for good Christian women to stay home to raise their children. But, we should make sure that nobody gets a free ride. Single mothers who receive any government assistance should be forced to put their children in daycare and find work. If kids were forced to pray in school we would not have such problems in this country.

So, my fellow countrymen, please forgive me for speaking out against the government in the past. I am now on board! Consider me a right-thinking loyal Christian American.